The public toilet in Manchester Airport near gate 49

When I recently made a trip to the United Kingdom, I traveled via Manchester Airport. Whilst waiting to board my return flight, I happened to be suffering from a bout of diarrhea. I would say the evacuated item might be classified somewhere around type 6 on the Bristol stool scale, if I had to guess.

 

I had just had a relaxing coffee and was waiting near my gate when I suddenly became urgently aware of the cheek-clenching need to find a lavatory. I dashed for the nearest public toilet, which happened to be located near gate 49. I entered and found a rather small restroom, with only a few water closets available on the left. I entered the last one on the farthest end as all the others were occupied. Closing the door, I realize that it’s one of those half open ‘johns’ where you can just pass the toilet paper underneath the wall to your neighbor if necessary, or look under the door to see if anyone’s inside doing their business. I believe these are called ‘toilet cubicles’.

 

The main characteristic of such toilets is that everyone can hear everything. And if there’s one thing you absolutely do not want, it’s that everyone can hear everything! Thankfully, the restroom was outfitted with electric hand dryers instead of paper towels. Being located near an airport gate meant it was quite busy, so the hand dryers were constantly whirring away. I used this fact together with some well-coordinated sphincter control to obfuscate my ‘movement’ as much as possible, to minimize the awkwardness. It was also a rather cramped space, too small to my liking. On a positive note, the door at least had a coat hook which I think is an absolutely essential thing to have in a public toilet.

 

After flushing the toilet, I notice there is no toilet odor neutralizer, or masking perfume. The best public toilets have an automated system for that, but this was evidently not a very good public toilet. And let me assure you, dear readers, that if ever there was a time when it was most necessary to have such a system, it was that morning around 8.30. Thankfully there was plenty of soap, but oddly enough the air from the hand dryer wasn’t hot. Not very comfortable, since that will make your hands feel cold. The last thing we all need on this earth is to discourage people from washing their hands after a visit to the toilet.

 

In summary, avoid this toilet if you can. I think I would even have preferred to use the lavatory on the plane instead of this one.

Review of The Pancake Bakery in Amsterdam

Last week I had a few guests staying over at my parent’s pied-à-terre in Amsterdam. As I and my company leisurely sauntered through the old centre of Amsterdam, we started feeling peckish at around 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Someone suggested that we might have some typical Dutch pancakes to sate our hunger and at the same time satisfy the desire of my guests to sample some Dutch cuisine. I promptly whipped out my phone and consulted The Oracle! So after looking up some pancake restaurants in Google, I plotted a route to the highest rated pancake restaurant nearest to our location. However, unbeknownst to myself or any of my party, this pancake house turned out to be one of the smallest restaurants in Europe. So we would’ve had to wait half an hour for a table, but as we were very hungry we decided to look elsewhere. Today I regret that decision.

Because we decided to go for the next best thing in the neighborhood and according to the high rating on Google that happened to be ‘The Pancake Bakery‘. Here now follows a review of our experiences there.

It was a cold cloudy day and we arrived well after lunch hour. The entrance is small and you go down a small staircase, since most of the restaurant is in the basement. There are also nice tables on the first floor with a view of the canal, but those tables are only for groups with a reservation. So any hope of a nice view went right out the non-existing window. There is a sign that tells you to wait to be seated, but it was for some time obscured by four other people waiting in front of us. At no time did anyone come to explain to us how the seating system works, or to inquire about reservations or about how large our group was, or to simply tell us it was too busy right now. Reservations are only possible for parties of 6 or more people, by the way. Everyone else just has to wait. After waiting for about 20 minutes or so, a waitress finally came to the entrance to ask with how many we all were. Then she informed us tables would soon become available, as some diners had asked for the bill. In the end we waited for over 30 minutes to be seated. Wow, that must be some pancake!

We are shown to our table, somewhere in the back of the restaurant. The tables appear to be arranged to maximize the number of customers. In fact, there are too many tables and they are so close to each other that I can barely squeeze in my chair without bumping into the person sitting behind me. I guess this is what Dutch people mean by ‘gezellig‘. I am very tired from all this waiting so the first thing I do is order a cappuccino. It is the worst cappuccino I have had in at least six months, in at least three different countries. It’s too small to begin with, the espresso base wasn’t nearly strong enough and the milk foam looked like a spittle bug had vomited in my cup.

Time to order a pancake! Besides the more ‘traditional’ pancakes, they have an interesting variety of pancakes which they call ‘international pancakes’. I order a hearty pancake with bacon, cheese and mushrooms. The others succumb to the international offerings: a Mexican, Thai and Indonesian pancake. Service was quite fast and the bacon, cheese and mushroom pancake was nice enough. But not awesome either. The international pancakes got mixed reviews. I liked the Thai version because it was uncharacteristically spicy for Dutch standards and it seemed to work well with the texture of the pancake, but the Mexican and Indonesian varieties just didn’t do it for me. I also thought the pancakes where a bit pricy: almost 12 euros for my pancake and about 14 euros for the international pancakes. Not crazy expensive but you can certainly get them cheaper, even in an expensive city like Amsterdam.

And then there’s the service. Depending on who’s serving you, it’s just awful. For example, we asked for a glass of water since we’d just had coffee and were eating hearty pancakes. The waitress sighed. Then, with a clearly annoyed voice, she told us that the first glass is free and after that we have to ‘buy something’ (to drink). I was in shock. First of all, what the hell is wrong with just a glass of ordinary tap water? We’re already drinking the shitty coffee and eating the overpriced pancakes aren’t we? Second, what would be wrong with just politely explaining that it’s the policy of the owner of the restaurant not to serve tap water? I didn’t understand then, and I still don’t understand now. I also don’t understand why we couldn’t sit on the first floor, for that matter. The toilets are located there (they are a mess by the way) and we went to the toilet both before we were seated and after asking for the bill. On both those times the first floor appeared to be empty, so essentially we could just as easily have been seated there instead of downstairs.

This together with the poor reception at the entrance, the questionable price/quality of the food and drink, cramped seating arrangement, the bad mannered waitress and the ‘basement’ atmosphere made my dining experience thoroughly unsatisfactory. I still give it a 5.5 out of 10 for the decent pancakes, but for everything else I would sooner try another pancake restaurant than eat there again.

P.S.
The featured image of this blog entry is from Wikipedia, so that is not the pancake I ate ;).

Pizzas in The Netherlands: not a slice of heaven…

During the five year stint I spent growing up in Al Khobar in Saudi Arabia, it was common knowledge that if you wanted to get a damn tasty pizza you went to ‘Pizza Sheikh’. Hands down, it was the best pizzeria in town to order an American style pizza. Their pepperoni pizzas where simply fantastic, way better than the ones from Pizza Hut. So imagine my disappointment when I got back to The Netherlands and discovered that pizzas here didn’t come with a pepperoni topping. All they had was ‘salame’; thin slices of soggy salami. It’s not that bad, but it sure as hell isn’t the same as pepperoni. I prefer anchovies on Italian pizzas.

Fortunately, with time I noticed that the pepperoni pizza started becoming commonplace and you could finally order pepperoni pizzas pretty much everywhere in The Netherlands. But the pizzas here where never as good as the ones I got in Saudi Arabia. Either they used the wrong kind of cheese, or too much cheese, or the pepperoni is soggy, or the crust was too soft, or the tomato sauce wasn’t right, or the pizza wasn’t cooked properly, etc. It’s usually a combination of these factors and consequently my experiences with ordering food in The Netherlands are mostly disappointing. And I also can’t attribute this disappointment to an unreasonably high expectation pattern, as if I was only comparing my gustatory encounters in The Netherlands with distant memories I have of eating pizzas in Saudi Arabia as a kid. Because I went to Greece this summer, where I ordered a very tasty pizza on two separate occasions from two different pizzerias. Both of these pizzas easily beat any pizza I have ever eaten in The Netherlands. One of the pizzas I partook of this summer originated from a Domino’s in Athens.

That surprised me, because we have Domino’s in The Netherlands too! So why would a pizza from a Domino’s in Greece taste so much better than a pizza from a Domino’s here? Well, I think it all boils down to voting with your money. In Greece, there is a food-culture you see? People there are actually quite critical of what they eat. Just try finding a McDonalds in Athens, for example. In Greece if the food isn’t decent, you simply don’t get enough customers and your business goes belly-up.  So what does that say about The Netherlands? Quite simply, it says that here in the Netherlands people generally appear to have lower standards when it comes to culinary taste. Just try finding a McDonalds here, they’re pretty much all over the place! Now look at the picture below. It is a photograph of the pizza I ordered this evening. It was not delicious (so-so cheese, soggy crust, so-so pepperoni) and it looked like the delivery guy had been driving off-road or something. This is not an exception: I have tried many pizzerias all over the country and with perhaps a single exception, the gamut of culinary butchery I have encountered universally ranges from mildly disappointing to just plain godawful. Fortunately, I travel to Greece often ;).

Is it ironic to order a 'perfect pepperoni' and then receive this?

Is it ironic to order a ‘perfect pepperoni’ and then receive this?